So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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