I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
