I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
