I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
