Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
