Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
