She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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