I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
