HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
