i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
