Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mom said you looked used
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
