Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
