If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
