yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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