im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
