I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
