i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
