The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
