I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
