I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Come on in and take your pants off
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