You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
