They should really pass out barf bags in church
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
