Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
