You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Houston, we have a blender
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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