Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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