we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
