she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
