i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
