Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
