Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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