We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
