I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
