he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
