Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
