The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
