i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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