So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
