apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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