and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
