dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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