We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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