He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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