This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the condom got lost in my hair
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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