i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's just like the Real World with babies
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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