When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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