Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
