Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
