as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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