I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
