the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
