Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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